Embracing the multifold parts within us
Suzy P * was a sensitive child who was often shamed and criticized by her parents for being too emotional. This prompted a part of Suzy to become an ‘inner critic’, condemning herself harshly before others criticized her.
Suzy’s inner critic was her protective part—a part that takes a role in our system to protect us from outside hurt. Behind its harsh words, this part was attempting to take some control over an external situation to manage what otherwise was unpredictable and painful. A part of Suzy believes that being sensitive is a weak sign, and this part of her adopts a mask of a strong attitude to cover up her ‘weak’ side.
Jack Z* was criticized as a child for being a slow learner. Like Suzy, Jack developed the voice of an ‘inner critic’ to reprimand himself whenever he made mistakes. When his studies became more challenging, the critic got louder and harsher, and Jack felt even more miserable and scared of failing. Jack is now at university. He often freezes when there is pressure to achieve results. Jack’s critic would now berate and shame him for freezing, which would affect Jack’s performance even more.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Suzy and Jack undertook a therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), which changed their lives. In conversation with HEALTH, Dr Millia, a consultant psychiatrist, a senior trauma therapist, and an advanced IFS Practitioner elaborated on how this unique therapy worked.
“Many therapies assume that our mind is a single entity. With this ideology, we sadly lose out on valuable insights that we may gain by noticing our inner ecology as a system of multiple parts. This sets Internal Family Systems (IFS), a cutting-edge therapy, apart from many other therapies. The therapy was developed by Dr Richard Schwartz, a family therapist, many decades ago, but it has only gained massive momentum worldwide in the past few years,” explained Dr Millia.
Delving deeper into the nitty gritty of IFS, Dr Millia explained. “Internal Family System therapy believes that our mind is an interactive system of several parts as its natural architecture. Parts are sub-personalities within our internal space and interact just like members of the outer family- for instance, they may not get on with each other, shame each other, and be stuck in patterns of conflicts and disharmony. If we are born into a trauma or stress-free environment, our parts are free from fear or shame in showing off our true authentic essence. The natural qualities of parts are revealed with authenticity- being sensitive, emotional, curious, playful, adventurous, loving, loyal and so on. However, we often suffer the aftereffects or fallouts of life’s complexities, especially from childhood. When this happens, our parts get burdened by life experiences and remain stuck in those past beliefs and contexts, replaying it in our current lives.”
Conflict Resolution & Healing
“When our parts carry painful burdens of shame, fear, rejection, worthlessness, being unacceptable, unlovable, and unwanted, these painful beliefs are unpleasant to our conscious awareness. Around these capsules of such pain and hurt, the protective parts of our psyche bring counteractive strategies to manage this. Our protectors do this in various ways- by overachieving, perfecting, pleasing others, caring and empathizing with others over our own needs, avoiding our feelings, avoiding social situations, planning and preparing for every worst-case scenario, silencing us, becoming critics, becoming judgmental of others and so on,” continued Dr Millia. “Our protectors can manage our wounds this way until we no longer can or become exhausted. Triggers often flare up pain and hurt, and sometimes, we may have parts that firefight the pain impulsively by diffusing, distracting and soothing us from these messy feelings. These firefighter parts befriend comforting agents and sources like sex, food, drugs, social media scrolling and other ways of procrastinating. Firefighters often disregard social, relational, or health impacts. Their attachment to soothing sources over time leads to addictions.”
Dr. Millia patiently uses IFS therapy to help clients become aware of their protectors, understand and befriend their parts, resolve conflict between various parts of the inner mind, and gain access to the core ‘Self’.
A Unique Therapy
Dr Millia highlights the strengths of IFS. “IFS is a transformational therapy. IFS believes that no matter how solid and firm protective structures and barriers our parts have built around those capsules of pain and wounding, we can free up those burdened parts and bring healing. The source of this healing is within all of us- IFS calls it the ‘Self’. When extreme protectors run our show, the Self is not seen or felt within us, just like the clouds covering the sun. IFS therapy can bring profound healing and liberate parts from the burdens and constraints they have been chained to, sometimes for decades.”
Dr. Millia Begum, a DHA-licensed and UK-trained Consultant Psychiatrist, works at the First Psychiatry Clinic, 975 Al Wasl Road, Dubai. Website: https://www.firstpsychiatryclinic.ae/
*Names changed on request