From chocolates and jewelry to holidays, most of us wait for an anniversary, a birthday or festival to show our spouse appreciation. Yet HEALTH learns that the most successful relationships are those where appreciation is expressed on a daily basis; here’s how.
Why Wait?
According to Rawan Albina, a Dubai based Life and Wellness Coach, some reasons why many people wait for a special occasion is because this is what is expected and this is what they’re used to. “People are too busy stuck in life’s cycle to do something out of the ordinary. Most of us allow life to take control,” says Albina, adding, “When we’re not in the driver’s seat we allow things to just happen to us… as if someone else is filling out the pages of our own life.”
Phases
Albina says that all relationships go through phases. “There’s definitely a stale phase and this is where innovation and creativity come into play,” she says, just like we feel the need to re-invent ourselves on the personal level, we sometimes need to re-invent ourselves on the relationship level as well. “What does your partner enjoy? What do they love? What’s their dream? Sometimes when life’s circumstances change, we adapt in order to survive and just follow the new rules while forgetting about our own,” she stresses. “Find out what your partner’s recipe for a happy life is and try to inject some of these ingredients into your relationship. Sometimes the simplest changes make the biggest difference.”
Practical Ways to Infuse Life into Your Marriage:
- “Ask yourself this question: what is one thing that you can do today that will make the biggest difference in your relationship? What will make your partner feel special and appreciated?”
- If you haven’t been spending enough time together, Albina says that a great gift would be to take time off and spend some time together. “Go away for a weekend or just go out and do the things you used to love doing but never really find the time to do anymore,” she says. “There’s no better gift, especially if you’re going through a rough patch in your relationship. Some time out will help you get a fresh perspective and reconnect on a new level.”
- If your relationship is not fun, passionate, or intimate, make it that way. Have fun. Be creative. Shake it up. Enjoy your relationship. Learning to think in a different way means that we can learn to live in a different way.
Final Advice for Couples:
Her final words of wisdom; “Make time for each other. Set time aside each week to do the things you love to do together. Make sure that no matter what happens nothing will get in the way of these plans,” she says, adding, “If something does then always make sure to make it up as soon as possible.” You can even make every day Valentine’s Day by reminding yourself what got you both together in the first place and consciously choose to honor their relationship by giving it the attention it needs every day. “When we set time aside to honour what we value most in life we can make every day Valentine’s Day without the amount of effort it would take to create it once a year,” she says.
Steps to Re-Ignite The Love:
- Unclutter your mind by making lists. Shopping lists, chore lists, gift lists, whatever. Just like a backpack full or rocks takes the fun out of a stroll, so a mind full of demands and obligations takes the fun out of time with our partner.
- The belief that things need to be spontaneous to be good is an example of a belief which limits your enjoyment. Instead schedule a regular date night each week.
